forgiveness: no strings attached

You’ve heard the old saying, “Give a man a fish, feed him for a day.  Teach a man to fish, feed him for a lifetime.”

I’ve been thinking about my last post.  The reason I hold doubts toward giveaways, is that from my experience, I’ve rarely gained any true value from freebies.  If you give me a free ebook about how to succeed at one thing or another, but it only touches the surface, I will not gain the skills I need to succeed.  But if you teach me something, a truly valuable skill that I can use, you have given me a gift.

One goal of danerickson.net is to inspire people to use the intentional act of writing as a therapeutic tool; especially in the area of forgiveness.  I can’t offer you a free ebook on how to forgive.  That’s a personal journey.  I don’t want to give you something for free.  I want to help you learn how to set yourself free; free from anger, free from hate, free from emotional pain.  I had what many would consider a terrible experience as a child.  I was the victim of a cult.  I’ve turned that experience into a learning opportunity.  I’ve gone from being a victim to being in command of my life, including my actions and emotions.  It all started with the little seed of forgiveness, a concept I learned from the Bible.  I’ve learned that through forgiveness you have everything to gain and nothing to lose.  I’ve learned that forgiveness… truly is free.  There are no strings attached.  But you must take action.

1. Purge: Get it out.  Yell, scream, hit a pillow.  It’s okay.  Personally, I’ve found writing to be the most effective therapeutic method.

2. Let go: No matter what someone else has done to you, remaining angry won’t change it.  Anger hurts you, not the other.  Let it go.  You’ll find peace and freedom.

3. Practice. It might sound funny, but forgiveness takes practice.  In other words, it’s not a one-time event.  It’s something you have to repeat regularly.

4. Forgive yourself: Often, when we hold resentment and anger toward another, we are actually angry with ourselves.  Is there something in your own life that keeps you down?  Be willing to forgive yourself for your own mistakes.

5. Be forgiven: Know that you are forgiven.  If you have asked for forgiveness, you are heard.  God hears you.  He feels your hurt.  He feels your pain.  If you sincerely ask for his forgiveness.  You are forgiven.

My goal isn’t to sell you anything.  My goal is to spread the word about the power of forgiveness.  I have written a book about my own struggle with anger and resentment.  In a fictional format, the book follows Andy Burden, a 27-year-old man, as he deals with his own anger and resentment and comes to terms with his abusive childhood.

A Train Called Forgiveness is a book that would be helpful for anyone dealing with the pain of an abusive event in their life.  It’s also an eye-opening read for anyone who wants to understand the inner-workings and detrimental effects of cults.  A Train Called Forgiveness is available at Amazon and Ibis Books for $14.00.

Whether you buy the book or not, I hope you will choose the path of forgiveness.  If you do, you’ll find freedom and peace.

the guise of free: avoid the clutter and stay on track

Seth Godin says that in order to succeed in today’s online marketplace you have to give something away.  As I browse the marketing blogs, I find everyone giving something away.  Everybody on Twitter is trying to give away something, too.  Of course there are always conditions: you have to sign up for a feed, enter your email, or buy another product.  Avoid the clutter and stay on track.

If you have to do something or give anything to receive a free product, is it really free?  I’d argue the answer is: Only if you take action freely, without any expectations of receiving something in return.  I don’t buy…  free.  I use the word “buy,” because essentially that’s what you are doing.  The marketer is using the guise of “free” to “sell” you something: an idea, a strategy, a future book.  So when you accept the “free offer,” in essence you are buying something.  Here are a few reasons to stay away from all of the free stuff.

1.  It’s not really free.  Marketers know that the free ebooks and downloads are appealing to many, especially those who want what the marketer has already gained: success, power, money.  However, the marketer also knows that if they give you too much information for free, you may not buy their current or future products.  The free items are lures, outlines of the product that is being sold.  In my experience, free articles always leave me wanting more information. However, the few times I’ve chosen to buy, based on the free “hook,” I’ve discovered that there is very little new usable information and I get the succinct feeling that I’ve been “had.”

2.  It’s a bunch of clutter.  If I took the bait and signed up for all the free information I’ve been offered in my life, I’d be suffocating in a mess of clutter.  I’d likely never read or use the majority of all that clutter.  But I would have to take time to clean and remove that clutter from my space and my mind at some point.  A cluttered life takes away from peace of mind and creativity.  So what’s the point in getting all this free junk in the first place?

3.  Clutter kills creativity.  I’m a writer.  If I spend my time buying and reading everybody else’s free messages I’d never have time to write my own material.  One law of mass media is that the ones who control the flow of information are the ones who profit from that information.  By offering you loads of free stuff, marketers are controlling the flow of information.  You become bogged down trying to take all that information in, hindering your own productivity.  It’s like the banking industry: they loan you the money and you are in debt to them for years to come.

4.  Choose wisely.  I’m not saying that you should never be willing to check out a piece of free information.  Some of that information may have value.  But if you’re going to accept others’ supposed free offers, choose wisely.  Pick only the best.  Choose to follow people that have proven, not only that they have been successful, but have also proven that they are honest and sincere.  There’s a lot of propaganda and junk out there, and it’s disguised as free, but if it keeps you from moving forward, you’ve actually paid an incredibly high price.