Tag Archives: Andy Burden

a train called forgiveness: excerpt four

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IMG_7176The following is another short excerpt from my first book “A Train Called Forgiveness.”  The entire book was originally written online.  To make the book easy to follow in an online format, I wrote it in a “broken-prose style,” and gave each chapter several sub-chapters.  This is a scene from chapter 4 where Andy Burden is traveling by bus to visit his parents years after they’ve left the cult.

Check out the most recent review of my books by Floyd @ There Go I.

If you’d like to buy a copy of “A Train Called Forgiveness,” it’s available at Ibis Books and at Amazon

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I’m riding on a Greyhound bus.

I needed time away from the Easy Mart, from the voices, the dreams.  I bought a ticket to Stillholm to visit mom, dad, my brother.

The bus winds through Coldwater Canyon.  Rocks and trees are frosted with a light snow.  The Jocelyn River twists and turns and tumbles white.  It’s one of the most beautiful places I know.

It’s been a year since I’ve been back to Stillholm.  The bus has to go through Bonneveldt to get there.  I hate that town.  Some of Peter’s people still run the farm.  I ran into Russell a couple years back.  I didn’t like his vibe.

Mom and dad are in the final stages of divorce.  Mom’s getting everything.  Dad doesn’t care.

It’s due to religion.

They can’t reconcile their differences.  Mom went right, fundamental, charismatic.  Dad went left, liberal theology, new age.

It’s funny how bad things emerge from something good.  Or is it good?  What is religion?  Is it God?  Or is it an institution?  And if it’s an institution, that’s a form of human power.  And if it’s power, doesn’t power corrupt?

The feel of the bus on the highway comforts me.  I find solace in travel.

In 1988 and ’89 I rode trains.  I went to Denver, Boston, Memphis, New Orleans, L.A.  I met a girl in Denver.  We passed time together.  We parted ways in Boston.  I got drunk in Portland, Maine.  I smoked some weed on the Capitol Building lawn in Washington D.C.  I listened to the blues in Memphis.  I went to a strip club in New Orleans.

I love the feel of steel on steel.  I love the slow and steady sway.  It eases my mind.  I love to see America through the big glass windows.  Someday, I’ll ride again.

The bus is different, but it has a similar effect.  The gentle hum pacifies.  The vibration lulls me to sleep.  I linger in and out of a semi-dream state.  I go back in time.

Before the cult, I was an athletic kid.  I loved sports.  I played little-league baseball and football.  I dreamed of being an all-star.  I heard the roaring of the crowd as I made another touchdown, hit another grand slam.  Yes, I remember.  Before the cult I had high energy.  I used to ride my bike everywhere.  In the summer in Maine, I’d ride three miles to the ocean every day.  I used to body surf and snorkel.  I loved the ocean, the waves, the pull.

The roar of my dreaming ocean turns into the hum of the bus engine.  I wake as the bus slows down, coming into Stillholm.

Dad picks me up at the depot.

The old house in Stillholm is empty, except dad’s old chair, a folding table, and a couple of cots.  Mom sold the furniture.  Dad’s living in the empty house until it sells.  His health is bad.  He lost his job.  He’s got no place to go.

It’s a broken dream.

at the crossing of justice and mercy

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At the Crossing of Justice and Mercy is my second book that’s in the works.  I completed the first draft about two months ago and will be starting the rewrite next week.  The book is written on the premise that cult leader Peter Smith faked his own death and is still alive.  Andy Burden, the protagonist of A Train Called Forgiveness, and his brother Simon start investigating the validity of Peter Smith’s death.  They find that many of the facts lack validity.  Andy decides to set out on a journey to discover the truth.  With some help from his brother, his daughter, his dog, and a black belt in karate, Andy gets to the bottom of the mystery.

A Train Called Forgiveness is a study in forgiveness, non judgment and religion.  At the Crossing of Justice and Mercy will continue that study, and incorporate new themes such as divorce, mental illness, justice, and mercy.  I hope to have the second book published by late 2012 or early 2013.

forgiveness: no strings attached

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You’ve heard the old saying, “Give a man a fish, feed him for a day.  Teach a man to fish, feed him for a lifetime.”

I’ve been thinking about my last post.  The reason I hold doubts toward giveaways, is that from my experience, I’ve rarely gained any true value from freebies.  If you give me a free ebook about how to succeed at one thing or another, but it only touches the surface, I will not gain the skills I need to succeed.  But if you teach me something, a truly valuable skill that I can use, you have given me a gift.

One goal of danerickson.net is to inspire people to use the intentional act of writing as a therapeutic tool; especially in the area of forgiveness.  I can’t offer you a free ebook on how to forgive.  That’s a personal journey.  I don’t want to give you something for free.  I want to help you learn how to set yourself free; free from anger, free from hate, free from emotional pain.  I had what many would consider a terrible experience as a child.  I was the victim of a cult.  I’ve turned that experience into a learning opportunity.  I’ve gone from being a victim to being in command of my life, including my actions and emotions.  It all started with the little seed of forgiveness, a concept I learned from the Bible.  I’ve learned that through forgiveness you have everything to gain and nothing to lose.  I’ve learned that forgiveness… truly is free.  There are no strings attached.  But you must take action.

1. Purge: Get it out.  Yell, scream, hit a pillow.  It’s okay.  Personally, I’ve found writing to be the most effective therapeutic method.

2. Let go: No matter what someone else has done to you, remaining angry won’t change it.  Anger hurts you, not the other.  Let it go.  You’ll find peace and freedom.

3. Practice. It might sound funny, but forgiveness takes practice.  In other words, it’s not a one-time event.  It’s something you have to repeat regularly.

4. Forgive yourself: Often, when we hold resentment and anger toward another, we are actually angry with ourselves.  Is there something in your own life that keeps you down?  Be willing to forgive yourself for your own mistakes.

5. Be forgiven: Know that you are forgiven.  If you have asked for forgiveness, you are heard.  God hears you.  He feels your hurt.  He feels your pain.  If you sincerely ask for his forgiveness.  You are forgiven.

My goal isn’t to sell you anything.  My goal is to spread the word about the power of forgiveness.  I have written a book about my own struggle with anger and resentment.  In a fictional format, the book follows Andy Burden, a 27-year-old man, as he deals with his own anger and resentment and comes to terms with his abusive childhood.

A Train Called Forgiveness is a book that would be helpful for anyone dealing with the pain of an abusive event in their life.  It’s also an eye-opening read for anyone who wants to understand the inner-workings and detrimental effects of cults.  A Train Called Forgiveness is available at Amazon and Ibis Books for $14.00.

Whether you buy the book or not, I hope you will choose the path of forgiveness.  If you do, you’ll find freedom and peace.